oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
