I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've blown a few things in my day
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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