also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
