i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
