I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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