can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
