Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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