Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
