My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
