Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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