i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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