So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
