i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize