What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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