Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
