woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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