We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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