im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize