I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
