The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize