I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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