Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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