the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
