there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
