we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
