You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
