I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
