I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
