oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
