I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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