I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
