how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
