I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
