I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
