you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
