I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
