I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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