Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
