help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize