You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
