break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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