I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
