You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
