Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
