You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
