Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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