So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i drank out of a bidet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
