Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am one with the molecules
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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