He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
