Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
