just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
