i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
