Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
50% drunk capacity currently
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize