so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
