party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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