I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize