every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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