I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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