He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
