Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Terrible idea I love it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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