i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
