You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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