false alarm. still invincible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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