so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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