Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize