Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
