All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
