First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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