Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
