Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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