lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
