first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize