When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
