and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
