We're like a lot better than the average bears
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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