do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
