and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
