So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
