So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
operation harelip BJ is a go
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
