i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
