i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
