what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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