he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
