You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
