Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
