bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
