They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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