I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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