Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
