Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
