He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
