Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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