I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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