I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
