At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
