I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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