she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
