1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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