I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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