I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize