We need to rekindle our bromance
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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