u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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