I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dicks are not precious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
