Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
