Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize