i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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