I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
