It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She bit a glass in half.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
