to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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