she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
