My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
