you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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